I see rainbows when sunbeams come to play with our mudsplashings.

Plus, the mud warms up – that’s good in the dark cold of winter.

Namaste.

Joan

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Birdiful Birdiful Peace

Once again I am putting myself out there in the world, smiles away. Want to know what’s happening? A bird has shat upon me. Maybe more like 70 birds have shat upon me! So I am admitting to You, Youniverse, that I am scared.

Figuratively speaking, at this point in my life I’m searching for two things: (1) a place to call my birdiful home; and (2) a person to call my birdiful beloved. Literally speaking, my desire is no longer simply to bloom where I am planted, not just to be cool with where I’m at and who I’m with. Instead, my desire is to seek without ceasing, whole-heartedly, passionately, wildly, animally until I find the the the the Right home and the Right person. I am tired of believing that peace, happiness, love is a state of mind, because honestly, Here and Now does not always feel Right. I’m sorry, Buddhists, but my heart tells me there is something better for me than here and now, at least sometimes. Youddhists, I am talking to You. I believe my treasure lies where my heart is.

Nine days ago, I declared to You that I will move to Austin in 60 days. You listened to my declaration, and You sent bird after bird into my life all at once. I watched for the signs, and You said, “Go go go!” I had job interviews by the bundle in Austin, places to stay, people to see, opportunities for action, adventure, romance. There was even a special lady friend that made me think…funny. Well anyway, I thought too much, and too fast, and I should have been listening to my heart, or in this case, my guts, because I ended up ralfing one night, not a pretty sight! I jumped into Austin prematurely, and I paid for that mistake with nothing but rejections – from the prospective employers, from the friends, and even the special special lady friend. Shat – that is what I gat!

Meanwhile, another part of Youniverse was conjuring up other unexpected surprises. Good ones, surprisingly! I received two nice job offers in the same day in Dallas. Hmm, that’s neato. Plus, a certain Dallas special lady friend has suddenly popped up. Interesting.

So, today I am 51 days away from manifesting this “Be In Austin” declaration. Now that I have already started calling Austin my home, what am I to do? Am I supposed to abandon my idea of Austin as home, or shift it somehow to make my heart appreciate the homie side of Dallas? I don’t feel confident about my heart’s ability to love Dallas right now. Even though my fifth visit to Austin was unfortunate, the fourth visit instilled the presence of home like I haven’t felt since I was 16. It was a party of familiars, with warm, vibrant, colorful people, music, art, life, swimming holes…I felt so so so so seriously comfortable that my heart just…blossomed. I knew it had to be my next home.

I require my birdiful peace now. I require my birdiful peace here. I require here and now to be birdiful, and for now I will take it with all the shat that comes with it. I desire something more, and I know what it is I’m looking for, and my heart is going to find it, and only You can stop me, and only You can help me, and so I confidently cast my cares upon Youniverse.

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