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Cabe Lindsay

My name is Cabe, and I am happy, even if happiness comes to me in kind of a sad way. On occasional sunny days, I might start to think I’ve found everything I ever wanted in life, and then I realize that I have nothing. I might realize, watching the sunset over an ocean-side cliff, that I am nothing. On the flipside, perhaps during cold and cloudy days, I might feel an overwhelming loneliness, as if I was without a single friend in life. But then a stranger might smile at me, and I might smile back, and maybe I realize that I have everything that matters.

“I am vibrant and colorful man, showered with blessings, living richly, handsomely, courageously, creatively, intelligently devoting a healthy amount of free time into serious fun, relaxation, and fitness for the body, soul, and mind.” ~ Cabe Lindsay

Here I am in my late 20s, often depressed with the thought of being stuck in a chrysalis between caterpillarhood and butterflydom, recognizing that not all caterpillars survive the cocoon stage. But not all butterflies make it even to the larvae stage, for that matter, and far fewer make it to the butterfly stage. I try to be unattached to the goal of flying, in a figurative way, but I still daydream about it. I try to let go of the desires I’ve had in the past, trying to find contentment without a wife, no pets, no known children. I feel empty at times, and fulfilled at others, but I have to keep living in whatever stage I’m in. At this stage, I can say that I am happy, even if I still get sad sometimes.

It probably seems sad to some: my life. I sense that there are some people in my life who care about me, and I imagine they think of my situation as somewhat bleak, and pitiful. But if that’s true, then they are only aware of the external version of me – the one that is revealed on the surface for anyone to see. On the outside, they see fatigue in my face from the three years I suffered from chronic headaches. They see heaviness on my shoulders. They see red veins in my eyes from straining at the computer screen, working obsessive, long hours.

But if they look just a little closer, if they have the curiosity and the compassion enough to see who I really am, they would find that I am vibrant and colorful man, showered with blessings, living richly, handsomely, courageously, creatively, intelligently devoting a healthy amount of free time into serious fun, relaxation, and fitness for the body, soul, and mind. People are drawn to my inner joy, and I happily, freely, deeply connect.